I am me.

Yesterday I had a much long over due lunch with a close friend from college. By overdue I mean it’s been over two years since we last saw each other. She was just about to travel to London for her masters degree and I was just about to have Em last I saw her. And now look at us. 

She’s coming back to the states now and I’m married with two babies and a dog. I can’t help but to think that I could have been her. I could have traveled. I could have gotten my masters degree. I could have pursued my dream job at the United Nations (picture an ambassador type woman like Emma Watson but I’d probably be less badass than her because she’s Emma Watson and she’s freaking amazing!). It really interesting to think of the direction my life could have gone and how different things could be. My friend was diving into textbooks and papers when I was plunging deep into into baby poop and spit up and all things glorious about sleepless nights and motherhood. It’s definitely not how I had envisioned things going when we graduated college. 

Seeing my friend really got me thinking about how I envision my life both now and in the future and how quickly these visions can change. Life happens in the most unexpected ways.

Here I am. So Content. Oh so tired. And oh so happy. I wouldn’t change a thing. This path that I am on is my own. I am a mother, a wife, an aspiring doula/ childbirth educator, a scientist. I am me. 

Remembering us 

Last night we had the most amazing date. The girls got some quality time with their Papa and Mimi and we drove an hour to the most amazing hole in the wall sushi place in Sacramento.Sometimes I think we forget that before Em and June there was us. 

Just a boy and a girl trying to figure out life and get things together. Michael and I have been together nearly seven years. SEVEN YEARS! How is that even possible?! We have spent our most transformative year together. Somewhere in between becoming parents and the chaos that comes with having two babies, oh and throw in a puppy too, we forgot about us. 
We forgot that we used to love to go for drives without a destination in mind. We would drive for hours. Can’t really do that with a toddler and baby, well unless they fall asleep in the car then we totally take advantage of that. We forgot that we used to love to go to the movies and get popcorn and candy. The last movie we saw in theatres was Guardians of the Galaxy, august 9th, 2014. I know this because I was super pregnant with Emerson and hoped she would not come so I could see the whole movie and she arrived the next day. We forgot that we loved to get fancy drinks and go dancing and stay up until dawn just talking. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our everyday life fulfilling everyone’s needs but our own because of course the girls come first, even before each other. We forget that we need cuddles just as much as our girls. We need “I love yous” and kisses. We need hugs and our hands held. Before them, there was us. 
Date night is a weekly thing for us now. It seems so simple but it’s taken us a lot longer than I care to admit that we have needed date nights for long time. This man just lights me up from the inside out. I look forward to be able to have a few uninterrupted hours of quality time that I don’t have to share with anyone else. And maybe that’s selfish but hey, if Emerson gets date nights with daddy then so do I! 

Date night is giving us new experiences. It’s like we are finding each other over and over again. 

“And I’d choose you; in a hundred life times, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.” – Kiersten White, the chaos of stars