new year, new me

That’s totally cliche right?! But can’t it also be the truth? Honestly our family has been going through some deep changes since the new year. Really it started long before the new year but to keep it simple I’ll just focus on the last month.

We have undergone some deep revelations, not only individually but as whole family unit. I don’t want to say I feel like we haven’t been really awake the last few years but we haven’t really been awake the last few years. We both feel so determined and inspired especially in this last month (you know since the new year….new year, new me etc.). The inspiration is REAL. SO REAL.

Its like we are so ready to start our life and really just live. Like really live. And have more experiences and more family time with more us time and little more me time. We want and we NEED to really spend more of our time being present and doing what really fills our cup. If it doesn’t serve us in a joyful way, there just simply is no space for it.

I’ve been feeling this change in me for quite some time. Even the cards (and I’ve pulled from four different decks) have said the same thing. I am undergoing transformation. I’m working full time and pumping A LOT, which in itself is an accomplishment because really who wants to spend all day away from their babies and pump on top of it? I sure don’t and I cannot wait for the day when I can be home with them. I’ve realized that I cannot dwell on this, it serves me in such a negative way and weighs too heavy on my heart. Instead, I’m putting all my energy into something so much better and it called for new space (hence the new blog).

I am working to become a certified childbirth instructor and doula. Since Emerson was born, my passion for all things pregnancy, birth and babies really lit fire in me. Our miscarriage and Juniper’s birth only made that fire grow even more. After mediating on this idea for quite sometime, it finally has felt so right. Emerson even says that she wants me to “help mommies push the babies out.”

Michael really has been my biggest supporter and my biggest drive. Every workshop I find, his first question isn’t “how much does it cost?” or “i don’t know if you should.” His first question is “well, did you sign up?” and my reply is always of course. I am not just building my future, I am building my families future. I am helping women build their future.

This is my calling. This is what I am meant to do. This fire inside is growing and I can’t and won’t stop it from spreading. Instead I am going to fuel it. And build it up. I will be the best woman I can be for my girls, for my husband, for the women becoming mothers.